Monthly Archives: January 2016

Riley, Case #4, Report #1


Doctor’s note: This patient required extensive care. The transcripts are having to be broken up do to the sheer volume of content. The patient’s…condition…is quite fascinating.

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“Um, yeah, hi… this is so embarrassing. Thanks for seeing me outside of group, Dr. Stardust.

I think I have feelings? Like…for this guy. I really shouldn’t though. I know he’s probably not good—for me. For anyone, maybe. I know you know about my breakdown I had at work. It’s why I’m here.

“I work at a taco shop…I’m a delivery girl. Ordinarily, I don’t care too much about the job.deadpool 4.jpg It’s dull, I work the late shift, and kind of tiring when you’re in a city. But hey, it helps me pay my rent. Until I can get an acting gig. Most people think it’s stupid for me to have these dreams, but I wanna do it, you know? Prove them wrong..see my name in lights, the whole cliche. I’m from a small town in Ohio, so I know just how cliche it really is.

“Anyways, about a year ago, we started getting orders from this guy for an obscene amount of tacos. Several times a week. Always really late. Apparently he was really funny on the phone. Always said the craziest things. The girls said he had a really hot voice. I couldn’t care less. Until I was the one who finally had to deliver his tacos. I was told to knock on the door, leave the tacos, he’d slip the money under the door, and I’d leave.

“When he opened the door, though, I nearly tased him, I was so shocked. I always have a taser on me…since the Incident. My sister lives in Hell’s Kitchen. She’s more paranoid than I am. Anyways, he was wearing this body suit…leather I think, red and black. He had a matching mask, covering his entire face, with large white eyes…They was oddly expressive.

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“I said point blank that he was one of them. I don’t know why I said that…must have been shock. He laughed at me…saying he preferred the term ‘costumed freak’. Then he realized my hand was around a taser. He told me that he wouldn’t do that if he was me. I told him I wasn’t planning on doing it now.

“He patted my head a bit like one would do a dog, called me a ‘good girl’, grabbed the tacos, paid, and shut the door in my face. I didn’t tell anyone at work that I had seen him, but they all did start to think it was strange when he would request that I be the delivery girl. He was weird, like, sometimes he would say things, but not to me. He would look directly behind me, and say things like someone was there, but it was an empty hallway. I don’t know how to explain that one.

“So, I got to know Wade some. He finally told me his name, stuck out his hand, made it real formal. I couldn’t help but laugh at that. He was wearing a tie over his costume. I always got the vibe that he was flirting with me. I also got the vibe that he flirted with everyone. But I didn’t mind. I was starting to get a crush.

“I asked him what his sign was once…trying to be cute…He shrugged and asked why people kept asking him that. Then he said, ‘Cancer’…and shut the door in my face.”

*tape cuts here*

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Star Wars Study, Case #3: Bibbe Rhodesian

“You see this girl. What’s her name… Ron… Rye… Rey! That’s it! Rey, like my late Uncle Rey-Rey. Rest his soul.”


“Can you believe she’s in that new documentary about war the between The First Order and The Resistance? She’s practically a celebrity now, with having The Force and all. I just wish that she would’ve come into the boutique to see me first before she ran over all place in those butt awful rags I gave her a light-year ago.

(whispers) You know she’s an orphan right. Poor thing. She was barely out of her training bras when she came into my boutique, Couture Creations by Bibbe — I specialize in the finest couture creations in Jakku. Anyone who’s anyone on this planet shops with me because I’m the best, obviously. Anyway, the girl walks in just filthy, covered in sand, hair a mess, tore up from the floor up. She looked as hungry as a wookie at a human barbeque. I could not deal. I asked her where her folks were. She said that they just basically dropped her off in the middle of the desert and said they’d be back.

What kind of crazy shit is that to do to a child?!


So, I do my good deed for the day, feed her and clean her up. I make clothes for sophisticated grown-ups, so I didn’t have anything for her to wear. I grabbed an old t-shirt and rummaged through the strap fabrics I had left over from my Nomadic Sand Goddess collection that year, which was the talk of the desert by the way.

Anyway, I found enough to throw together some capris, but it gets super hot on Jakku, and the girl is as white as a Storm Trooper uniform. So, I got the last minute idea to drape her in the fabric that was left and wrap her arms with bandages from that first aid kit I never used. I gave her something to wrap her head with for the sandstorms and heat, but those hideous goggles she had on, child. Those had nothing to do with me. I would have burned them and buried the ashes. They’re that hideous.


Despite her terrible sense of style, I’m quite proud of Rey. I offered her a place to stay and a job in the boutique, but she chose to go it alone, just in case her folks came looking for her…(long awkward pause). But now, look at her. She’s famous! I’m sure I had a tiny part in her becoming a star and all. I just wish she would’ve worn that same outfit for so long. It’s tragic. I just hope she has a stylist now. If not, tell her to call me.”

– Bibbe Rhodesian, owner of Couture Creations by Bibbe, Jakku.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)




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Case#2, Adelaide Hux

5EIH980I just… I’m just really stressed. Can I get a drink of water? Ah yes, thank you.

I know everyone thinks I just got this job because of my cousin, General Hux, but I have more talent than that daft, soulless ginger—everyone at home knows it. Only time I get any appreciation is around the holidays. Still, General…so much more exciting than “Head of the Financial Department”, isn’t it? No. I got this job on my merits. Mine. No one cares about numbers, about order, the way I do. It is called the First Order after all.

Well, before I go too far down a rabbit hole—you know, I might take that cup of tea you mentioned earlier? Yes, thanks. No sugar. Waste of coin, you know. As I was saying, Kylo Ren destroyed yet another incredibly expensive piece of technology…due to some sort of fit. I believe it had to do with a girl? Something like that. He’s so tetchy. Only this time, the technology he destroyed was actually just a bit priceless. It’s to keep Starkiller’s base from overheating, shall we say. Extra security. We have extra safeguards in place, but I wanted this final piece. It was a good investment, and after all the investigating I did into the Empire’s old financial records, well, it was easy to see the Death Star, well, both of them, could have benefitted. So, I called up the engineer, have it in place, very expensive, but less expensive than having to rebuild Starkiller Base…*chuckles* Well, the engineer is the only one in the galaxy who can do it. Or should I say, could. He’s dead now.

Well, Little Miss Emotional Princess Ren just had to have a absolute tizzy on it. Hux told me not to worry about it, but he doesn’t think like I do. Doesn’t plan. And why does this keep happening? We’re spending an absolute wealth of riches on Kylo repairs. I know he has dazzling hair, and I know it makes everyone a bit soft with him, but that doesn’t happen naturally. I have the receipts to prove just how much product goes into making that happen.


So, I had to sneak in to see Snoke, of course, he never enjoys seeing me, but I’m sorry Supreme Leader Snoke, will the FORCE just produce credits?!?! I think not. Well, I needed a bit of force ghost chatting…necromancy…whatever with this ghost so I might get the technology replaced. And he’s dead, so I was quite certain we’d be getting a freebee.

Ugh. Seeing Snoke is terrible. I wonder if he really is that size…because if not, I could be saving  a fortune on a smaller hologram. He muttered something about how raising the dead for engineering purposes not being how the force works but, well, General Hux isn’t the only soulless ginger in the family. I told him, dark lord or no, I needed this fixed or he was going to have to account for some expenditures himself. And I also wanted hologram receipts from him.

Eventually, it all worked out..thank goodness..only for me to wake up this morning to the sound of a lightsaber grating on metal. Besides my computer being ruined, the little Ren brat made a hole in my door. And I’m pretty sure he stole my eyeliner. But no worries, though, I found his book of poetry. If he doesn’t want that broadcasted over the morning announcements, he’ll cough my cosmetics up.tumblr_nzrr8m6J4G1rqphiwo1_400.gif

At least the ghostly engineer will have the repairs done soon, and I can rest easy. I mean, can you imagine, something happening to this entire base? *chuckles* It’d be a disaster…and I’d have to clean it up.. *laughs* Nothing like that could possibly happen, right?

—Lieutenant Adelaide Hux, Head of the Financial Department of the First Order

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“I don’t know if you know this, but only the members of Emperor Ming’s court can wear the shiniest polyester. Perfect example, I’m Ming’s royal robe designer, which he says is not considered a high status. I mean, hello?! Mingo City would be blinded by a naked Ming if it weren’t for me! Yet, here I am wearing the cheap, flammable stuff. I hope that Flash Gordon guy kicks his ass.

Wait, don’t tell Ming I said that or the part about his old, wrinkly body blinding people.”

– Norma, Royal Robe Designer; Ming City, Mongo Galaxy

Flash Gordon (1980)


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